Posted on: January 9th, 2006
In With The Old......
a happy new year and let me welcome you all to 2006.... and
you are welcome to it frankly, if its all the same to
you well stick with good old tried and trusted 1966.
Anyway, notwithstanding the strain of maintaining a rictus
smile as you rip the wrapping off the sum total of your relative's
countless thoughts, I trust you all had a jolly Christmas
band celebration was, as usual, a best forgotten event, this
wont be a difficult exercise as it was, A) very forgettable,
and B) ...sorry, what was I talking about?
Low spot was Mick agreeing to conduct the local kids Carol
service only to storm off in a fit of creative pique over
disputed lyrics. Having sung the number for 40 years he reckoned
he should know if Chuck Berry had ever put in a line about
a 'Silent Night', or some cat called 'Noel' - I guess it's
just as well he didn't get to 'Come All Ye Faithful.... ...not
did little to endear himself to the rest of the band, "Let
not a man's grasp exceed his reach" is Bill's motto and
his pockets are certainly beyond his modest reach come this
time of year. Eschewing
the gift spotting potential of the high street stores, he
opted instead for the wastelands of the neighbourhood rec.
Here he could be found counting down 'prospecting' days to
Christmas, equipped with his new Midas 2000 Treasureomatic
metal detector. I imagine he managed to resource gifts for
everyone without once disturbing his wallet which is
more than can be said for the parks pitches upon which
he trespassed. The captain of the team from the Slug
and Laptop was said to be looking to recruit a couple
of Sherpas to his frontline to help navigate the penalty area
after Bills excavations. He did take pains to assure me that
the provenance for his thoughtful choice for me, a Roman campaign
badge minted apparently in the first century reign of the
Emperor Adidas, was impeccable. The reason I was not familiar
with the Emperor Adidas was on account of not having the Latin
according to him. I did feel he might at least have made the
effort to wash off the mud and canine deposits, but he says
thats the patina and is what gives it value. Ah well
I guess it'll have to share pride of place on my mantelpiece
next to last years gift, a rare coin struck I gather in the
reign of Budweiser, Queen of the ancient Britons
Well back to un- reality, we do hope you can be persuaded
to drag yourself out and brave the January freeze to catch
us at one of the dates below. For our visit to the 100 Club
on the 13th we're particularly pleased to have Peter Jagger
doing a support spot, if your coming, do come early to catch
his set it's well worth it. If you don't know his music, you're
in for a treat, check this link on our site for a profile.
| No 10
Posted on: January 20th, 2006
a quick thank you to all of you who started the Near Year
'Rollin with us at the 100 Club and Bottley
Hill Farm. We didn't expect the sell-out notices
to go up so soon after Christmas, great for us of course,
but I gather there were quite a few disappointed late bookers,
sorry about that but we hope to be back at those venues again
off to the seaside at the end of the month so we hope to be
seeing lots of you Brighton Belles (and no doubt the odd Beaux).
Then a quick seven a side at Farnborough Town FC's The
Dugout - well 7 on our side, we hope there will be
hundreds on yours.
month and it's the Black country and another venue new us,
Tamworth Assembly Rooms, we've had good reports
about it so let's hope there's a midland appetite for more
than Slade and Black Sabbath - well at least they should be
able to get singer's rollin up stoned eh Sharon - and then,
stone me.... is it that time already, only 320 days to Christmas......
yes we're back home in our Putney residence at the Half
let's keep up the good attendance record and there may well
be a gold star in it for you at the end of the year.
| No 11
Posted on: February 25th, 2006
Beach Gig in Morecombe, not very Wise
that this is more of an 'Olds' than News letter, to be honest,
we've only just managed to get back on dry land from our last
gig courtesy of Morecambe Bay air sea rescue. I know...
we were warned... choosing the 'Copocabana' of the north to
stage our attempt at the worlds biggest free concert at this
time of year was somewhat ill-advised. As for the record,
it appears The Guinness Book of Records do not have a classification
where the audience comprises a smattering of itinerant foraging
migrant Winkle pickers, never mind the assorted marine invertebrates
in their care, the price of admission was neither here nor
there. However on the bright side, we were told there was
a bumper catch that night, so although, as the Stones will
no doubt discover when they arrive in Beijing, decadent music
of western imperialist running dog lackeys may seem strange
to Chinese ears, it can certainly warm the hearts of their
parties apart, we have three dates in London, all are at venues
new to us which we hope, if successful will become regular
haunts. Also worth noting, on Sunday 26th
at York House, Teddington, there will be a night of honour
held in memory of drummer Carlo Little who
played early on with the Stones (and on one memorable occasion
even little ol' us us).
For more information you can contact Gina or Warren Waye
| No 12
Posted on: March 22nd, 2006
Cold or what......... it's not easy typing in mittens. I tried
asking one of the brass monkeys chilling outside my window
to do this months news letter but it turns out he couldn't
possibly take it on till after the summer as he was in the
middle of ghosting the works of Shakespear with a whole bunch
of his mates (well actually he referred to them as "Mee
Simian Posse", but then he was a bit of an urban ghetto
I guess it's all down to muggins here again. Our launch night
at Filthy McNastys Too was a storm and judging
by the acts they are lining up for this venue, we hope it
can establish itself as a must visit live music landmark in
London'. It's a shame that the promised appearance of Tom
(Stones Mr Fixit) Keylock failed
to materialise on the night - I guess he's spent too long
listening to builders excuses - "Sorry couldn't make
Friday as promised lads, gotta another three gigs on the go
in Acacia Avenue but don't worry, I'll definitely be with
you next Thursday"........ Well no matter, we were very
fortunate that a rather more than adequate stand in for the
night was on hand, none other than... well everybody knows
his name - a man whose mother, had she paid any heed to the
prognostications of the old Gypsy woman before he was born,
rather than the results of the pre-natal scan provided by
the local health authority, may well have found her self requiring
a ballistics expert to determine his paternity - yes it was
London's very own Hoochie Coochie Man, the
one and only Art Wood, the Big Brother who
taught young Ronnie to suck eggs (a mean trick Art, but then
what are kid brothers for) and, as if having been prevailed
upon as emergency compare was not enough, Art stayed on for
an impromptu surprise guest airing of his signature tune with
the band later in the set, Thank you Art, these are the moments
that make our Rollin Stoned fantasy for real.
were also really sorry to have had to disappoint those of
you looking forward to the gig in Nantwich, I'm afraid it
was beyond our control - or those organising it who had gone
to a lot of trouble to set it up. They are hoping to re-schedule
in late July so we will keep you posted. Coming up next, well
April is pretty crammed, but before that we have another couple
of London Venues new to the band. This Friday we're at Tythe
Farm SC which has been lined up to replace the now
defunct Rayners Hotel, we hear this is a really decent sized
hall, so do your best to fill it troops. Jack Beards
in Tooting is another first for us which comes well recommended.
of course it's April in Putney and 'All Swinging together'
with something or other between your knees as we perform our
traditional Boat Race double header at The
gotta dash, the plumber hasn't connected the Surrey Bend to
the Harrods Depository and I'm expecting a couple of Coxed
eights through here any minute..... has any body got Tom Keylock's
| No 13
Posted on: June 6th, 2006
so we contemplate the prospect of grown men hitting the bar,
tackling Becks, diving headers, reaching the knockout stages,
simple tap ins ....... but hey, thats enough of Keiths
antics, weve got a World cup to look forward to and
when it comes to reviving the spirit of 66, who better
to turn to than the RollinStoned, if there's one thing
we know about its re-living the sixties. Those were
the days, I mean you knew where you were in those days, men
in dresses, Cats in suits and as for flowers!.... never mind
WMD, if you had flowers you had the power in our time.....
Interflora would have sorted out your Axis of evil.....we
new how to win a World Cup back then and whats more
Bobby Charlton could have shown Beckham and co a thing or
two about daft hair styles.
shouldn't be mentioning the World Cup really, the band know
nothing about football, Mick pretends to, in order to keep
up the bogus pretence of a genuine working class bloke, but
he'll let himself down, show him some hapless England striker
blasting a penalty into the rafters above Row Z and he's leaping
up and down applauding for a Six. Byron lost all interest
once he realised he'd miss-read an article on what he thought
was England surviving the Groupy Stages. Keith it's true is
a bit concerned about the fate of the England team, but only
because he's worried that if they get knocked out by Ecuador,
they'll have to have holes drilled in their heads.
you're desperately looking for alternatives to the coming
month of wall to wall football coverage, or just some light
relief after ninety nerve-wracking minutes enduring the nations
highly paid pampered best labouring to to draw with Eleven
part time goat-herds from Trinidad & Tobasco, The RollinStoned
will be on hand to fill the bill.
post successful cup campaign and hopefully riding a wave of
euphoria, (or even one of the pigs flying around), we move
on to the Summer festival season..... well I say Summer, thats
another thing.... you know in our day we had summers of love,
not a three month compulsory drought order dished out with
complimentary seasonal umbrellas.......
as the whistle blows, in the immortal words of the Prince
of Dartford over ere Ron, on me ead son.
|| No 14
Posted on: June 29th, 2006
there am I, sitting in a crowded press conference, the Band
have just been blown away by the support act, a Moldovian
tribute to Peter and Lee, and then I catch the all too familiar
halting voice of the manager..... "Vell yes it is
true, it might be natural that you could say that the band
did not maybe...... play as well as we all would have liked........
but I think in life that is normal.......it is not anyhow
always so easy...... and the conditions were really quite
difficult for them........ what with all that noise......
coming from their instruments when they try to play the right
notes..... so perhaps they are pretty difficult to find with
so many strings to get in the way....... but for me the important
thing is I have learned a lot.... well anyhow at least the
telephone numbers of some very attractive women in the audience........which
I think anyway at my age is maybe not so normal"........
at which point I was awoken by the concussive thud of my new
my Palm Pilot striking Keith a nasty blow on the head having
been dislodged from it's perch on the bookshelf..... thank
God, it was all just a dream.... if only the England fans
could say the same
| No 15
Posted on: July 27th, 2006
SUMMER... TIME FOR BLUES
the festival season is almost upon us and we're kicking off
with a couple.... so that should put paid to the hot weather.
This Saturday 29th we're entertaining the
troops in the Scunthorpe area at the Gunness Festival
of Music, last time we did a festival up that way,
half of Lincolnshire got washed away, so we advise you bring
a precautionary Ark with you.
The following Friday, August 4th,
will be The Rhythm Festival in Bedford. I'm
sure you must have seen the ads, this promises to be The Event
to have been at in 2006 if R'n'B is what rows your boat. Featured
artists include Jerry Lee Lewis, Ike Turner, Jimmy
Page, Roy Harper, Donovan... etc. The tragic loss
of Desmond Decker, billed to appear on the
Saturday, only goes to show that these guys won't be around
for ever. We believe there are still a few tickets available,
but don't leave it too late, I doubt they will be for long.
Go to this link for The Rhythm Festival site
Aug 5th and as Dorothy said to her friends, "there's
no place like home" or in our case, The Half Moon,....
but don't worry 'Auntie Em', it's not a Twister it's only
one of Mick's fly buttons again.... and no that isn't ToTo".
thrilled to be back at The 100 Club on Friday
18th, these shows are always a bit special. Coincidentally
you may have noticed that there's a tribute Rollin'Stoned
playing in Twickenham on that Sunday, they're very good we
hear and here's the novel twist, they play us as if in the
future, as old men (well no, I don't know how you would tell
the difference in Bill's case).
| No 16
Posted on: August 16th, 2006
DID IT OTTWAY
made it back to base, more or less in tact after entertaining
the troops at Tinwood Arena, which I guess
is more than poor old Glen Miller managed.
Just goes to show, you'd have to back an old converted Leyland
post office van against an RAF Norseman any day, mind we nearly
caught a packet from a hostile Merc 109 when approaching the
coast of Luton.
I feel a big thanks is due to The Rhythm Festival
promoter, Jim Driver, for staging such a
fantastic event. You only have to glance at the notice board
on the Festival web site to see what a huge success it proved
for all who attended. In fact so much so that next years event
is already in the planning and even tickets sold.
(the web-link is Rhythm
only frustrating aspect from the band's point of view was
having so many great acts
tap and not being able to catch them on account of having
a show to do. Of course we had ringside seats to see the one
and only John - doing it Ottway
- one guitar (more or less), two necks and one crazy guy,
he is a not an easy act to follow.
be down the 100 Club this Friday,
Aug 18th, the Stones will be in
town of course (so lock up your Palm Trees) Earlier in the
day we'll be doing a spot on one of the digital radio channels.
We'll let you know if we get any more details before transmission.
week after, we Return to good old Kyps in
Poole for the band's customary mid-summer visit - terrific
crowd, great venue. The following day, Saturday Aug
26th we hop along the coast to Deal in Kent to try
our luck at The Astor Theatre, a venue described
by Carl Palmer as "fantastic"
and "having a great sound". The theatre's
patron is Sir Norman Wisdom, famous for his
portrayal of ridiculous looking pratts falling about......
can't think why they chose to book us.
1st sees us at the Talk of The Town,
Milton Keynes (glad to see we're getting the classier venues
- pretentious Moi). The 8th has now finally
been settled on for our second trip of the year to Bottley
Hill Farm, sorry if any confusion has arisen as a
result of our prevarication in deciding which of the alternative
dates to go for. We really enjoyed the January show and I
know there were a few late bookers who were unable to get
tickets, it sold out quite early, I hope you have better luck
I better sign off now or I'll miss the e-postman, I can hear
him at the gate and our pet Komodo, Gigabyte is off the leash.
an IT joke, how ironically Geeky. ED)
| No 17
Posted on: September 8th, 2006
ON THE FARM
know I was musing the other day - its good to muse once in
a while, I even have a special place to muse, it's my muse
flat - I hope to be able to afford a real one some day - but
I digress, the subject of my muse was on the significant roll
the humble farm has played in the history of rock, I mean
you've got a work shy Bob Dylan whingeing about the demands
of Maggie with her smallholding and Mose Alison not doing
no body no harm - although it has to be said not doing much
good either - on farmer Parchman's farm. Then of course the
Stones own Brian Jones, he had a farm - and no doubt, just
like Old Macdonald, here a chick, there a chick, everywhere
enough of my profound philosophising, just remember you saw
it here first, the next time you come across the idea, your
son or daughter will probably be being offered it as a 'media
Studies' course option at the University of Posh & Becs
or the Bluewater College of Shopping or whatever else passes
for a hall of academe these days.
brings us about as sensibly as three point turn on a motorway
to the coming weekend when we will be donning our green wellies
and mucking about down on the farm, both at Bottley
Hill and The New Rayners at Tythe Farm SC.
Later in the month we're driving the herd up to
Crewe for a Friday night out at the Limelight,
then it's up at dawn and 'roll em out' as we hit the trail
back south again in time for Sunday round up and a HOG
roast in Dorset.
go, that pesky little rooster wants a lift home, lazy little
bugger. But remember if I catch any of you Midnight Ramblers
on my land again it won't be the hounds that are howling.
| No 18
Posted on: October 18th, 2006
SPAM, SPAM ,SPAM....
know, I know! there you all
are staring at the screen, eagerly anticipating the arrival
of another 'HOT STOCK TRADE ALERT ---- South Sea Bubble ready
to burst' ----, or one of those unsolicited bulk buy offers
of enough Viagra to raise the Titanic and straighten the Tower
of Pisa.... and ding...... hurrah, you got mail.......
so whats it turn out be, oh! S!!*t, just another of
these annoying Rollin Stoned Spam offers selling you a time
share in your musical memories.
dont know about you, but I really dont get the
point of all the Spamming business and whoever the bright
spark is that does the market research, they must have left
a village short of an idiot. Do they really think the lead
singer of the Rolin Stoned with a track record of impregnating
half a continent, needs any further assistance? our solicitors
offices are known in the business as Saville Rowe, thanks
to the number of paternity suits theyve had to handle
on Mick's behalf, in fact, quite honestly its about
time his erectile function was dissed in my view..... and
then theres Bill, I mean let's face it, clinically speaking,
his whole body is virtually in rigor already, one of those
tablets could tip him over the edge.
if you want a really useful hot tip, have this
one on me, forward all the Viagra SPAM mail you next receive
on to the people who send you Wall Street 'hot tips', then
sit back and watch the Dow Jones shoot up to dizzying new
on the subject of paternity matters, you may have noticed
were back in the Club again (100 that is) on November
the 10th. This date is a late change from The Talk of The
Town, Milton Keynes which, we regret had to be cancelled due
to un-resolvable contractual reasons. Last time at the 100
Club was a sell out, so if you want to observe A Rollin Stoned
at play in it's authentic habitat, nows your chance.
November 1st, we shall be appearing with a few of the top
acts from this year's First Rhythm Festival at Dingwalls,
Camden Lock. Confirmed on the bill so far are, among others,
Chas & Dave, John Cooper Clarke etc. This is part misty
eyed reunion, part press launch for the Second Rhythm Festival
scheduled for August 2007. Information and tickets for the
night can be found at the following link. http://www.rhythmfestival.net/reunion.html
to more immediate concerns, this week will see us at the Academy
in Basingstoke. The following week of course, you wont
need Mars to be in conjunction with Uranus on the 14th for
it to be a Half Moon in Putney. We then set our compass north
nor east dont mock, the compass was the state
of the art Sat Nav of our day, just as Star Nav
was in Bills day - anyway, assuming theyve rebuilt
the road to Middlesbrough - it was swept away by floods of
biblical proportions last time we were up - we shall be singing
our Tunes to the Toonies on the 20th at the Empire. Finally,
on the 27th it will be curtain up at the Plowright Theatre.....
Weve got the Ghost, Micks got the tights and Im
sure Keith's got some spots that need an outing, so Lady Olivier,
if you wouldnt mind kindly lending us your stage......
| No 19
Posted on: October 20th, 2006
taking a quick breather after a fairly frantic month of day
trips to the North East, not to mention a fleeting visit to
Clydeside and a chance to sample their deep fried delights
- mind you I think Mick could show them a thing or two about
innovative recipes with Mars Bars. Wed like to thank
both the familiar and the new faces who turned out to greet
us - and of course not to mention the heads and bodies that
bought them to the venues.
December, all Band leave will be cancelled as we go to Code
white status - maximum Christmas party threat - and this year
will see a first for the band - Forget Casino Royale, this
New Years Eve why not join us at The Amersham Arms in New
Cross for your rendezvous with a new 007. The Rollin Stoned
come with their own licence to thrill and after a year that
yet again showed Old Man Jagger and Co, they Just keep
rolling along, what more appropriate way could there
be to see out the old than with A Bigger Bang.
for the night are limited and sure to be in demand, but dont
worry, you wont have to hock your last last bottle of
Dom Perignon 59 for the price of entry Mr Bond... now pay
attention... it's called a 'Bigger bangs for your bucks' offer
and it's something we've been working on for just such a situation,
it operates like this, just go to the website www.rollinstoned.com
and look for the web-link on the front page under the New
Years Eve stop press statement, then click on it, it will
activate a VIP personal identity allowing you to purchase
advance tickets at £5 off the normal advance price,
it's really very simple... but whatever you do, don't press
the red button next to it marked DESTRUCTION
OF ALL THE KNOWN UNIVERSE.
be expecting you
| No 20
Posted on: December 20th, 2006
OF OUR CHRISTMAS TREES
you are a one for tradition, you'll no doubt have been out
and about, getting completely off your faces, cavorting around
making total prats of yourselves dressed in silly costumes,
rending the silent nights with drunken Carol singing, squabbling
and endlessly rowing with your nearest though not so dearest,
leering at the more shapely contents of stockings, I don't
know, it seems to me, at this time of year the whole world
and his dog are out to steal our act........ take my advice
leave it to the professionals.
may we take this opportunity to wish you a Happy ------------
(Please enter whatever appropriate faith or Deity your pinning
your hopes on). There are not many Bopping days left and,
as I write, I understand the remainder of our pre-Christmas
shows may be sold out. However if you can't get in to any
of those, hopefully you will be able make one of the dates
leading up to the New year...... Christmas break... Hah!!
It's alright for you lot, some of us have a job to do.
forget, concessionary tickets for our New Year Party bash
in New Cross can still be bought via the direct link that
can be found on the web site front page.
I'd better go now, I think I may have an illegal mythic migrant
problem ....... "Now look Mr Ho!Ho! Ho! or whoever
you are, I don't care how far you've come, just get that !*!@**ng
sleigh off my roof and take those freaky looking four legged
hat stands with you"