Rollin Stoned Band portrait

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No 9
Posted on: January 9th, 2006

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.....And In With The Old......

Hi, a happy new year and let me welcome you all to 2006.... and you are welcome to it frankly, if it’s all the same to you we’ll stick with good old tried and trusted 1966. Anyway, notwithstanding the strain of maintaining a rictus smile as you rip the wrapping off the sum total of your relative's countless thoughts, I trust you all had a jolly Christmas

The band celebration was, as usual, a best forgotten event, this won’t be a difficult exercise as it was, A) very forgettable, and B) ...sorry, what was I talking about?
Low spot was Mick agreeing to conduct the local kids Carol service only to storm off in a fit of creative pique over disputed lyrics. Having sung the number for 40 years he reckoned he should know if Chuck Berry had ever put in a line about a 'Silent Night', or some cat called 'Noel' - I guess it's just as well he didn't get to 'Come All Ye Faithful.... ...not you Jagger"

Bill did little to endear himself to the rest of the band, "Let not a man's grasp exceed his reach" is Bill's motto and his pockets are certainly beyond his modest reach come this time of year. Eschewing the gift spotting potential of the high street stores, he opted instead for the wastelands of the neighbourhood rec. Here he could be found counting down 'prospecting' days to Christmas, equipped with his new ‘Midas 2000 Treasureomatic’ metal detector. I imagine he managed to resource gifts for everyone without once disturbing his wallet – which is more than can be said for the park’s pitches upon which he trespassed. The captain of the team from the ‘Slug and Laptop’ was said to be looking to recruit a couple of Sherpas to his frontline to help navigate the penalty area after Bills excavations. He did take pains to assure me that the provenance for his thoughtful choice for me, a Roman campaign badge minted apparently in the first century reign of the Emperor Adidas, was impeccable. The reason I was not familiar with the Emperor Adidas was on account of not having the Latin according to him. I did feel he might at least have made the effort to wash off the mud and canine deposits, but he says that’s the patina and is what gives it value. Ah well I guess it'll have to share pride of place on my mantelpiece next to last years gift, a rare coin struck I gather in the reign of Budweiser, Queen of the ancient Britons

Peter Jagger
Well back to un- reality, we do hope you can be persuaded to drag yourself out and brave the January freeze to catch us at one of the dates below. For our visit to the 100 Club on the 13th we're particularly pleased to have Peter Jagger doing a support spot, if your coming, do come early to catch his set it's well worth it. If you don't know his music, you're in for a treat, check this link on our site for a profile.

newsletter 9
No 10
Posted on: January 20th, 2006
newsletter 11
January Sales

Just a quick thank you to all of you who started the Near Year 'Rollin with us at the 100 Club and Bottley Hill Farm. We didn't expect the sell-out notices to go up so soon after Christmas, great for us of course, but I gather there were quite a few disappointed late bookers, sorry about that but we hope to be back at those venues again this year.

We're off to the seaside at the end of the month so we hope to be seeing lots of you Brighton Belles (and no doubt the odd Beaux). Then a quick seven a side at Farnborough Town FC's The Dugout - well 7 on our side, we hope there will be hundreds on yours.

Next month and it's the Black country and another venue new us, Tamworth Assembly Rooms, we've had good reports about it so let's hope there's a midland appetite for more than Slade and Black Sabbath - well at least they should be able to get singer's rollin up stoned eh Sharon - and then, stone me.... is it that time already, only 320 days to Christmas...... yes we're back home in our Putney residence at the Half Moon.

So let's keep up the good attendance record and there may well be a gold star in it for you at the end of the year.

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No 11
Posted on: February 25th, 2006
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Free Beach Gig in Morecombe, not very Wise

Sorry that this is more of an 'Olds' than News letter, to be honest, we've only just managed to get back on dry land from our last gig – courtesy of Morecambe Bay air sea rescue. I know... we were warned... choosing the 'Copocabana' of the north to stage our attempt at the worlds biggest free concert at this time of year was somewhat ill-advised. As for the record, it appears The Guinness Book of Records do not have a classification where the audience comprises a smattering of itinerant foraging migrant Winkle pickers, never mind the assorted marine invertebrates in their care, the price of admission was neither here nor there. However on the bright side, we were told there was a bumper catch that night, so although, as the Stones will no doubt discover when they arrive in Beijing, decadent music of western imperialist running dog lackeys may seem strange to Chinese ears, it can certainly warm the hearts of their cockles.

Beach parties apart, we have three dates in London, all are at venues new to us which we hope, if successful will become regular haunts. Also worth noting, on Sunday 26th at York House, Teddington, there will be a night of honour held in memory of drummer Carlo Little who played early on with the Stones (and on one memorable occasion even little ol' us us).
For more information you can contact Gina or Warren Waye

newsletter 11
No 12
Posted on: March 22nd, 2006
newsletter 13

Hoochie Coochie Who?

Hi, Cold or what......... it's not easy typing in mittens. I tried asking one of the brass monkeys chilling outside my window to do this months news letter but it turns out he couldn't possibly take it on till after the summer as he was in the middle of ghosting the works of Shakespear with a whole bunch of his mates (well actually he referred to them as "Mee Simian Posse", but then he was a bit of an urban ghetto BM)...

So I guess it's all down to muggins here again. Our launch night at Filthy McNastys Too was a storm and judging by the acts they are lining up for this venue, we hope it can establish itself as a must visit live music landmark in London'. It's a shame that the promised appearance of Tom (Stones Mr Fixit) Keylock failed to materialise on the night - I guess he's spent too long listening to builders excuses - "Sorry couldn't make Friday as promised lads, gotta another three gigs on the go in Acacia Avenue but don't worry, I'll definitely be with you next Thursday"........ Well no matter, we were very fortunate that a rather more than adequate stand in for the night was on hand, none other than... well everybody knows his name - a man whose mother, had she paid any heed to the prognostications of the old Gypsy woman before he was born, rather than the results of the pre-natal scan provided by the local health authority, may well have found her self requiring a ballistics expert to determine his paternity - yes it was London's very own Hoochie Coochie Man, the one and only Art Wood, the Big Brother who taught young Ronnie to suck eggs (a mean trick Art, but then what are kid brothers for) and, as if having been prevailed upon as emergency compare was not enough, Art stayed on for an impromptu surprise guest airing of his signature tune with the band later in the set, Thank you Art, these are the moments that make our Rollin Stoned fantasy for real.

We were also really sorry to have had to disappoint those of you looking forward to the gig in Nantwich, I'm afraid it was beyond our control - or those organising it who had gone to a lot of trouble to set it up. They are hoping to re-schedule in late July so we will keep you posted. Coming up next, well April is pretty crammed, but before that we have another couple of London Venues new to the band. This Friday we're at Tythe Farm SC which has been lined up to replace the now defunct Rayners Hotel, we hear this is a really decent sized hall, so do your best to fill it troops. Jack Beards in Tooting is another first for us which comes well recommended.

Then of course it's April in Putney and 'All Swinging together' with something or other between your knees as we perform our traditional Boat Race double header at The Half Moon.

OK gotta dash, the plumber hasn't connected the Surrey Bend to the Harrods Depository and I'm expecting a couple of Coxed eights through here any minute..... has any body got Tom Keylock's no?.....


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No 13
Posted on: June 6th, 2006
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   And so we contemplate the prospect of grown men hitting the bar, tackling Becks, diving headers, reaching the knockout stages, simple tap ins ....... but hey, that’s enough of Keith’s antics, we’ve got a World cup to look forward to and when it comes to reviving the spirit of ‘66, who better to turn to than the Rollin’Stoned, if there's one thing we know about it’s re-living the sixties. Those were the days, I mean you knew where you were in those days, men in dresses, Cats in suits and as for flowers!.... never mind WMD, if you had flowers you had the power in our time..... Interflora would have sorted out your Axis of evil.....we new how to win a World Cup back then and what’s more Bobby Charlton could have shown Beckham and co a thing or two about daft hair styles.

    I shouldn't be mentioning the World Cup really, the band know nothing about football, Mick pretends to, in order to keep up the bogus pretence of a genuine working class bloke, but he'll let himself down, show him some hapless England striker blasting a penalty into the rafters above Row Z and he's leaping up and down applauding for a Six. Byron lost all interest once he realised he'd miss-read an article on what he thought was England surviving the Groupy Stages. Keith it's true is a bit concerned about the fate of the England team, but only because he's worried that if they get knocked out by Ecuador, they'll have to have holes drilled in their heads.

    So, whether you're desperately looking for alternatives to the coming month of wall to wall football coverage, or just some light relief after ninety nerve-wracking minutes enduring the nations highly paid pampered best labouring to to draw with Eleven part time goat-herds from Trinidad & Tobasco, The Rollin’Stoned will be on hand to fill the bill.

    Then, post successful cup campaign and hopefully riding a wave of euphoria, (or even one of the pigs flying around), we move on to the Summer festival season..... well I say Summer, that’s another thing.... you know in our day we had summers of love, not a three month compulsory drought order dished out with complimentary seasonal umbrellas.......

So as the whistle blows, in the immortal words of the Prince of Dartford “over ‘ere Ron, on me ‘ead son”.
Best wishes
The Rollin'Stoned

newsletter 13
No 14
Posted on: June 29th, 2006
newsletter 14

    So there am I, sitting in a crowded press conference, the Band have just been blown away by the support act, a Moldovian tribute to Peter and Lee, and then I catch the all too familiar halting voice of the manager..... "Vell yes it is true, it might be natural that you could say that the band did not maybe...... play as well as we all would have liked........ but I think in life that is is not anyhow always so easy...... and the conditions were really quite difficult for them........ what with all that noise...... coming from their instruments when they try to play the right notes..... so perhaps they are pretty difficult to find with so many strings to get in the way....... but for me the important thing is I have learned a lot.... well anyhow at least the telephone numbers of some very attractive women in the audience........which I think anyway at my age is maybe not so normal"........ at which point I was awoken by the concussive thud of my new my Palm Pilot striking Keith a nasty blow on the head having been dislodged from it's perch on the bookshelf..... thank God, it was all just a dream.... if only the England fans could say the same

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No 15
Posted on: July 27th, 2006
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Well the festival season is almost upon us and we're kicking off with a couple.... so that should put paid to the hot weather. This Saturday 29th we're entertaining the troops in the Scunthorpe area at the Gunness Festival of Music, last time we did a festival up that way, half of Lincolnshire got washed away, so we advise you bring a precautionary Ark with you.

The following Friday, August 4th, will be The Rhythm Festival in Bedford. I'm sure you must have seen the ads, this promises to be The Event to have been at in 2006 if R'n'B is what rows your boat. Featured artists include Jerry Lee Lewis, Ike Turner, Jimmy Page, Roy Harper, Donovan... etc. The tragic loss of Desmond Decker, billed to appear on the Saturday, only goes to show that these guys won't be around for ever. We believe there are still a few tickets available, but don't leave it too late, I doubt they will be for long. Go to this link for The Rhythm Festival site

Saturday, Aug 5th and as Dorothy said to her friends, "there's no place like home" or in our case, The Half Moon,.... but don't worry 'Auntie Em', it's not a Twister it's only one of Mick's fly buttons again.... and no that isn't ToTo".

We're thrilled to be back at The 100 Club on Friday 18th, these shows are always a bit special. Coincidentally you may have noticed that there's a tribute Rollin'Stoned playing in Twickenham on that Sunday, they're very good we hear and here's the novel twist, they play us as if in the future, as old men (well no, I don't know how you would tell the difference in Bill's case).

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No 16
Posted on: August 16th, 2006
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We made it back to base, more or less in tact after entertaining the troops at Tinwood Arena, which I guess is more than poor old Glen Miller managed. Just goes to show, you'd have to back an old converted Leyland post office van against an RAF Norseman any day, mind we nearly caught a packet from a hostile Merc 109 when approaching the coast of Luton.

First, I feel a big thanks is due to The Rhythm Festival promoter, Jim Driver, for staging such a fantastic event. You only have to glance at the notice board on the Festival web site to see what a huge success it proved for all who attended. In fact so much so that next years event is already in the planning and even tickets sold.
(the web-link is Rhythm Festival 2007)

The only frustrating aspect from the band's point of view was having so many great acts

John Ottway poses outside at The Crooked Billet restaurant

on tap and not being able to catch them on account of having a show to do. Of course we had ringside seats to see the one and only John - doing it Ottway - one guitar (more or less), two necks and one crazy guy, he is a not an easy act to follow.

We'll be down the 100 Club this Friday, Aug 18th, the Stones will be in town of course (so lock up your Palm Trees) Earlier in the day we'll be doing a spot on one of the digital radio channels. We'll let you know if we get any more details before transmission.

The week after, we Return to good old Kyps in Poole for the band's customary mid-summer visit - terrific crowd, great venue. The following day, Saturday Aug 26th we hop along the coast to Deal in Kent to try our luck at The Astor Theatre, a venue described by Carl Palmer as "fantastic" and "having a great sound". The theatre's patron is Sir Norman Wisdom, famous for his portrayal of ridiculous looking pratts falling about...... can't think why they chose to book us.

September 1st sees us at the Talk of The Town, Milton Keynes (glad to see we're getting the classier venues - pretentious Moi). The 8th has now finally been settled on for our second trip of the year to Bottley Hill Farm, sorry if any confusion has arisen as a result of our prevarication in deciding which of the alternative dates to go for. We really enjoyed the January show and I know there were a few late bookers who were unable to get tickets, it sold out quite early, I hope you have better luck this time.

Well, I better sign off now or I'll miss the e-postman, I can hear him at the gate and our pet Komodo, Gigabyte is off the leash.
(Oh! an IT joke, how ironically Geeky. ED)

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No 17
Posted on: September 8th, 2006
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You know I was musing the other day - its good to muse once in a while, I even have a special place to muse, it's my muse flat - I hope to be able to afford a real one some day - but I digress, the subject of my muse was on the significant roll the humble farm has played in the history of rock, I mean you've got a work shy Bob Dylan whingeing about the demands of Maggie with her smallholding and Mose Alison not doing no body no harm - although it has to be said not doing much good either - on farmer Parchman's farm. Then of course the Stones own Brian Jones, he had a farm - and no doubt, just like Old Macdonald, here a chick, there a chick, everywhere etc....

But enough of my profound philosophising, just remember you saw it here first, the next time you come across the idea, your son or daughter will probably be being offered it as a 'media Studies' course option at the University of Posh & Becs or the Bluewater College of Shopping or whatever else passes for a hall of academe these days.

Which brings us about as sensibly as three point turn on a motorway to the coming weekend when we will be donning our green wellies and mucking about down on the farm, both at Bottley Hill and The New Rayners at Tythe Farm SC. Later in the month we're driving the herd up to Crewe for a Friday night out at the Limelight, then it's up at dawn and 'roll em out' as we hit the trail back south again in time for Sunday round up and a HOG roast in Dorset.

Better go, that pesky little rooster wants a lift home, lazy little bugger. But remember if I catch any of you Midnight Ramblers on my land again it won't be the hounds that are howling.

The Rollin'Stoned

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No 18
Posted on: October 18th, 2006
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I know, I know! there you all are staring at the screen, eagerly anticipating the arrival of another 'HOT STOCK TRADE ALERT ---- South Sea Bubble ready to burst' ----, or one of those unsolicited bulk buy offers of enough Viagra to raise the Titanic and straighten the Tower of Pisa.... and ding...... hurrah, ‘you got mail’....... so what’s it turn out be, oh! S!!*t, just another of these annoying Rollin Stoned Spam offers selling you a time share in your musical memories.

I don’t know about you, but I really don’t get the point of all the Spamming business and whoever the bright spark is that does the market research, they must have left a village short of an idiot. Do they really think the lead singer of the Rolin Stoned with a track record of impregnating half a continent, needs any further assistance? our solicitors’ offices are known in the business as Saville Rowe, thanks to the number of paternity suits they’ve had to handle on Mick's behalf, in fact, quite honestly it’s about time his erectile function was dissed in my view..... and then there’s Bill, I mean let's face it, clinically speaking, his whole body is virtually in rigor already, one of those tablets could tip him over the edge.

But if you want a really useful ‘hot’ tip, have this one on me, forward all the Viagra SPAM mail you next receive on to the people who send you Wall Street 'hot tips', then sit back and watch the Dow Jones shoot up to dizzying new heights.

While on the subject of paternity matters, you may have noticed we’re back in the Club again (100 that is) on November the 10th. This date is a late change from The Talk of The Town, Milton Keynes which, we regret had to be cancelled due to un-resolvable contractual reasons. Last time at the 100 Club was a sell out, so if you want to observe A Rollin Stoned at play in it's authentic habitat, nows your chance.

On November 1st, we shall be appearing with a few of the top acts from this year's First Rhythm Festival at Dingwalls, Camden Lock. Confirmed on the bill so far are, among others, Chas & Dave, John Cooper Clarke etc. This is part misty eyed reunion, part press launch for the Second Rhythm Festival scheduled for August 2007. Information and tickets for the night can be found at the following link.

Back to more immediate concerns, this week will see us at the Academy in Basingstoke. The following week of course, you won’t need Mars to be in conjunction with Uranus on the 14th for it to be a Half Moon in Putney. We then set our compass north nor east – don’t mock, the compass was the state of the art ‘Sat Nav’ of our day, just as Star Nav was in Bill’s day - anyway, assuming they’ve rebuilt the road to Middlesbrough - it was swept away by floods of biblical proportions last time we were up - we shall be singing our Tunes to the Toonies on the 20th at the Empire. Finally, on the 27th it will be curtain up at the Plowright Theatre..... We’ve got the Ghost, Mick’s got the tights and I’m sure Keith's got some spots that need an outing, so Lady Olivier, if you wouldn’t mind kindly lending us your stage......

Best wishes
The Rollin'Stoned


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No 19
Posted on: October 20th, 2006
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We’re taking a quick breather after a fairly frantic month of day trips to the North East, not to mention a fleeting visit to Clydeside and a chance to sample their deep fried delights - mind you I think Mick could show them a thing or two about innovative recipes with Mars Bars. We’d like to thank both the familiar and the new faces who turned out to greet us - and of course not to mention the heads and bodies that bought them to the venues.

Come December, all Band leave will be cancelled as we go to Code white status - maximum Christmas party threat - and this year will see a first for the band - Forget Casino Royale, this New Years Eve why not join us at The Amersham Arms in New Cross for your rendezvous with a new 007. The Rollin Stoned come with their own licence to thrill and after a year that yet again showed ‘Old Man Jagger and Co, they Just keep rolling along’, what more appropriate way could there be to see out the old than with ‘A Bigger Bang’.

Tickets for the night are limited and sure to be in demand, but don’t worry, you won’t have to hock your last last bottle of Dom Perignon 59 for the price of entry Mr Bond... now pay attention... it's called a 'Bigger bangs for your bucks' offer and it's something we've been working on for just such a situation, it operates like this, just go to the website and look for the web-link on the front page under the New Years Eve stop press statement, then click on it, it will activate a VIP personal identity allowing you to purchase advance tickets at £5 off the normal advance price, it's really very simple... but whatever you do, don't press the red button next to it marked DESTRUCTION OF ALL THE KNOWN UNIVERSE.

We'll be expecting you
The Rollin'Stoned


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No 20
Posted on: December 20th, 2006
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If you are a one for tradition, you'll no doubt have been out and about, getting completely off your faces, cavorting around making total prats of yourselves dressed in silly costumes, rending the silent nights with drunken Carol singing, squabbling and endlessly rowing with your nearest though not so dearest, leering at the more shapely contents of stockings, I don't know, it seems to me, at this time of year the whole world and his dog are out to steal our act........ take my advice leave it to the professionals.

Anyway, may we take this opportunity to wish you a Happy ------------ (Please enter whatever appropriate faith or Deity your pinning your hopes on). There are not many Bopping days left and, as I write, I understand the remainder of our pre-Christmas shows may be sold out. However if you can't get in to any of those, hopefully you will be able make one of the dates leading up to the New year...... Christmas break... Hah!! It's alright for you lot, some of us have a job to do.

Don't forget, concessionary tickets for our New Year Party bash in New Cross can still be bought via the direct link that can be found on the web site front page.
I'd better go now, I think I may have an illegal mythic migrant problem ....... "Now look Mr Ho!Ho! Ho! or whoever you are, I don't care how far you've come, just get that !*!@**ng sleigh off my roof and take those freaky looking four legged hat stands with you"

Happy Christmas
The Rollin'Stoned