HAPPY NEW YEAR..... WHATEVER

So now the final page of the 2007 Calendar has blown away and we herald the new.... if only life was that simple for The Rollin Stoned, such a confusing time of year this for the band. While a hung over world was waking to a brand spanking New Year, you might spare a thought for their plight last Monday morning, the cockerel crowed, the Teasmade boiled and on came the radio and with it the Omo bright and breezy tones of the breakfast time DJ, ....”Hi! it’s a fantabulously happytastic new year and this is Tony Blackburn welcoming you to 1967”....., yep it’s just the start of another Groundhog Year for the Rollin Stoned....

December was pretty non-stop for the band so they’re enjoying a short recuperative break from gigs. Turnout for all our Christmas shows was terrific, as has been the case throughout the year and we’d like to take this opportunity to thank you all for your support we really do appreciate it.

There is something new we can offer, some minor alterations have been made to the format of the web-site, the main difference being that there is now an entry page stage - sorry this does mean one more click of your mouse, but it does free up our home page for the news and updates that we were finding sometimes got overlooked. All the old features and navigation are retained and function as before. You will also notice on the home page we have added a myspace link, this will take you to the band’s myspace page at www.myspace.com/therollinstoned.

Also on the subject of the web, you may find The Stones European fan site (It’s only rock n roll at http://www.iorr.org) of use, the IORR talk section is a forum where you can network gig information and views, start endless debates etc and generally put the world of rock to rights. You can check out an example of one 'Talk Thread' instigated by a fan over the Christmas period at the following:
http://www.iorr.org/talk/read.php?1,600443
All this cyber talk will no doubt mean something to some of you, and the rest? well don’t worry you’ve, you’ve still got a life.

Towards the end of the month, we’ll be hitching our mule to the wagon and heading out west, it is a shame we don’t get out there much, so we hope this will satisfy some of those who have sent in messages requesting our presence.That's it for the time being, and the time being then, I need to check out yellow pages to see if there’s a recovery service that can tow us out of this time warp we’re stuck in.

Happy New Year to you all (Oh! I think this is where I came in)
The Rollin'Stoned

MARCH OUT OF TIME

The Rollin Stoned have had a relatively relaxing first couple of months to the year, but things are about to kick off as March makes it's entry - is it as a Lion or Lamb? I can never remember...... well probably neither as it happens, global warming will have seen to that, but what do you expect from poetic fallacies, especially pathetic ones.

Well I guess you couldn't give a Flying V if March chose to come in like Willy The Wombat, so long as we get off our butts and start earning our corn. So to that end, we are back at My Kyps' exceedingly good establishment in Poole next Friday the 9th - always a pleasure - followed the next day by a trip to Bognor and the Roxzone - it occurs to me that, being a Regis, shouldn't it really be the Rexzone?, but then, as the Rex in question's most famous parting opinion of the resort was hardly a back slapping testimonial - unless I suppose as a result of the implied prohibited sexual act - so he may well still be out of favour with its good Burgers - anyway no matter, it’s a new venue for us, so an adventure.

In fact, our adventures will takes us to much new territory over the course of the month, from here to Tipperary - which is a long way, I am reliably informed.
We hope to see you there, (although I supose it will be here, once we get there)

Best wishes
The Rollin Stoned

... and now breath out

For those of you who have managed to hold their breath since our last communiqué, my salutations, that's an impressive pair of lungs you're sporting, alternatively, my condolences to the bereaved nearest and dearest of those who tried and failed, be assured , in line with EU regulations, we will in future issue health guidance warnings advising against relying on these newsletters to regulate one's vital bodily functions.

The truth is the Band have had pretty lazy time of it of late and, unlike the 24hr news media culture in which it is our misfortune to live, when there is no news to tell you, we do not feel the need to bombard you endlessly with old and recycled material.... we save that for the shows.

Nor will we stoop to boosting our circulation with sensational silly season gossip features on "How my dad got up my nose" By Keith, or Mick's bizarre practice of encouraging 'King Bees to Buzz around' his flies, presumably in the hope of swelling the proportions of the 'Little Red Rooster', no, we'll leave that for our memoirs.

Although relatively few shows have been performed since last I wrote... (d'you notice that, "Since last I wrote..", bit of class that... your not dealing with one of your 'barely articulate ghetto jargon spouting, celeb for a nanosecond freak show winners who can command a half a million advance from Random House at the drop of a thong here you know)..... the band have been gratified by the response of recent audiences new to the band, particularly, we'd like to thank those enthusiastic folk of the North East's whose appetite for the our oeuvres continues to impress us. The Studio in Darlington was a case in point, a terrific sell-out audience, thanks I'm sure in part to the thought and effort that has gone in to creating an excellent small 'art house' venue with a fabulous ambience. We had a great night up there and I'm sure we'll be going back for more. We'd also like to thank those at the Lancastrian Suite for putting us on, another trip worth all the carbon emissions.

We do have one regret, not to mention an apology to those fans in Ireland who had been promised a short tour. The Reason, for what it is worth, that, of the four Irish dates promised in mid March, only one materialised, was due to circumstances entirely beyond our control, . Also, to those who may have made the trip to Derry's Millennium Forum to witness the 'After Life of Brian' and who got not so much as an after taste, we can only say to sorry, the poor lad was ill, and could not make the flight, (those wings don't fly themselves you know.)

I won't begin to bore with the tedious details of how this sorry fiasco developed, suffice it to say the promoter's ambitions somewhat exceeded his abilities. Promoters come in all shapes and sizes, and god bless them, this is not meant as an intemperate rant against the breed, they are our life blood. In many ways they can never win, when a show is a success, it's all down to us and what did they do for their cut? and if it's a flop, well the promoter was useless and did not do enough. Let's face it, these guys do put themselves on the line for us, however, that said, it's what they put on their washing lines that is my point here, my advice for all aspiring band's is check out the laundry to see if their pants carry any flammable material cautions on them.

So what's next?. Well with the Festival season upon us, the band are in pre Season training, you know practising their mud slide run techniques, spotting unidentified naked breast disported in mass crowd situations, sheltering under bin bag bivouacs, being on the alert for for bad acid announcements... come to think of it, why don't they ever tell us about the good acid?, festival MCs keeping it for themselves I suppose.

A busy couple of months then, and a chance to hopefully see you all. Below are the immediate dates coming up and also, for your convenience, please find attached pdf which is the latest date listing for the rest of the year.

Best wishes
The Rollin'Stoned

Fag ends

So we sailed away for a month and a day to the land where the Bong trees grow.... yeah! in yer dreams Byron.... however it's fair to say Rollin Stoned did embark on some fairly epic trips over a stormy June and a "beautiful Pea Green Boat" would have come in handy at times.... it would seem there's nothing like a season of summer festivals to stimulate the diuretic capacity of the heavens.

Not that you'd notice from the throngs of you who pitched up to our recent shows in the north, we do like an audience in throngs, particularly around our stage.... or shoreline as we have come to regard it. But it has brought home to us that we are maybe missing a trick here. So for our next round of excursions, our marketing boys are suggesting we augment our merchandising stock with Rollin Stoned Snorkels and Scuba gear, possibly even the odd T-Shirts with adapted blow holes so to cater for the occasional passing Porpoise potential.

And so we've come to it...... 'woo! woo! woo! "....alright now I want you to put down the cigarette, stub it out and move slowly away from the pack keeping your hands visible and clear of your mouths...."
Yep! no more smoke getting in our eyes, we can now legally live happily ever after, the air we all breath will no longer be an eye watering cocktail of collateral exhaust from countless charred and decrepitly wheezy bronchial reserves of inconsiderate others, merely polluted by the self righteous halitosis emanating from the sighs of relief of the incumbent new model nanny brigade.

So as of now, anyone caught lighting up a fag at any of our shows will end up in 'chokey'..... bit of dilemma for whoever's job it is to run the follow spot on Mick then....
As I am sure you can imagine, this topic has engendered an awful lot of whinging from the inveterate addicts within the band. Personally, having spent a career in sufficiently close proximity to 'The Human Whiff' to have, despite being a non-smoker, acquired a habitual taint of one who uses "Eau de Fin de Chien' as an aftershave, I have been feeling somewhat smug, however, sadly it would seem, from information I have just received, my joy maybe a tad premature, I quote.... "Performers - 6. Where the artistic integrity of a performance makes it appropriate for a person who is taking part in that performance to smoke, the part of the premises in which that person performs is not smoke-free in relation to that person during his performance.

You know it occurs to me that this poses an interesting legal conundrum M'lud, for whilst Keith Richard can scarcely claim smoking is an essential element of his artistic integrity since that would be a get out excemption for millions and render the law useless, a performer portraying him in an earlier incarnation would seem to have a case...... life can be so unfair when you're a mega-rich superstar.

We have another fairly hectic month ahead, and some great shows and events in prospect for July, so hopefully we will be hoisting up the 'Jolly Roger' at a port near you, although quite what Roger has to look so jolly about I don't know, what with a hoist up him.

Best wishes
The Rollin'Stoned