No 1
Posted on: January 27th

Welcome to 2005
Hi and an extremely belated welcome to the new Year. We're really sorry you are receiving this "news" mail so late, We have recently had to take over administration of our web site have encountered a few gremlins - well O.K., the truth is somebody forgot to set the alarm for 2005 and the band overslept, but please bear with us.

    Anyway the Rollin'Stoned do hope you all had a fabulous Christmas. I'm afraid it was the usual miserable Stoned familly get together for us, Mick not talking to Keith who, having forgotten to order a turkey, had suggested we make do with one of Mick's solo albums. Then Byron decided to invite his new friends the Ghost of Christmasses over - my God were they boring, going on and on about how much better things were/will be in their days as they finished off all the Sherry. Then he got very upset when he discovered somebody had been at his vintage magic mushrooms, it wasn't much helped by Mick W and Nicky, looking very much out of it, swearing they saw some flying Reindeers who must been at them - they could tell from their big red noses.
    As for the others, well Charlie did his usual sitting around moping and waiting for Big Ben, "365 days hanging around for just two of minutes singing Auld Lang Syne" his customary moan. Still at least Bill got into the spirit of it all, he treated himself to some seasonal Hum Bug flavoured gum and spent the whole day watching The Great Escape on video.

Hope we see you all soon in the new year.


No 2
Posted on: February
Sorry for the appologies

    Hi and to start again on an apologetic note - it's all the rage you know, you're nobody if you can't call a press conference, adopt insincere grovel stance and ask to be forgiven for the "Reformation" or the fluff that gets in people's navels - so, apart from West Life and for sardine tin keys that snap when you try open the tin, we would like to apologise to those of you who came expecting to see us at Shannons on 29th Jan. I'm afraid it was really was quite beyond our control. A bit of a f****up with the venue who had been contracted to supply PA etc, but had not done so - a fact we only discovered on arrival. We hope there were not too many of you disappointed on the night.
    While we're down on our bendeds, we also understand that a few regulars at the Half Moon felt they were given an unnecessarily aggressive hard hussle by the staff after the gig at clear out time. Both the band and the venue do regret it if that was the case. It certainly is not at all typical of the Half Moon, we've had so many great nights there, it is almost a second home and we've always found such a warm and friendly vibe about the place. They are however, operating under increasingly difficult constrictions and a lot of local pressure to close it as a live venue. The staff have to be ever mindful of repercussions should a neighbour take exception to any disruption, particularly at that time of night and their urgency may on occasion come accross as over-reaction to those on the receiving end. While we would always like to be able to socialise at leisure after a gig and wouldn't want to see you down on your blocks come the last chorus of the night, we hope you can appreciate their position.
    Apart from that, it was another gas gas gas, although, as usual, fevered debates on what to include, - leave out, - never enough time (see sorry above), do you get bored with the same set etc. Please do e-mail us if you have any suggestions or preferences on sets, we would welcome it.
    Well enough of apologies, other than one for the appallingly shoddy quality of thread they use to sew on Mick's trouser buttons these days, oh and Byron is sorry for being late, we hope to see you at the next gig or soon.

We love you,
The Rollin'Stoned

jeez, pass the sick bag. Ed


No 3
Posted on: March

Showing a bit of the old 'Calais' spirit

    Hi and first off, Rollin'Stoned would like to send a really big thank you to all who have braved arctic wastes, dug yourselves out of the perma-frost and unsurpassable drifts over the past month to come and support us.
    We've been pretty intrepid ourselves, a brief sortie to France that had been scheduled for Les Stoned turned in to something of a marathon. With the port of Calais apparently down to its last serviceable gang plank, an armada of ferries had been backing up in the channel all week causing huge delays - of course Bill reckoned this was nothing and that in his day disembarkation meant putting your instruments above your head, jumping unquestioningly into the briny and, up to your neck in it, wading ashore under enemy fire, but then Bill's day was pre-living memory, let's face it he'd run the risk of failing an audition for the part of "The 2000 year old man" on the grounds of over qualification.
    Anyway not wishing to disappoint our French fans and have another student street riot on our hands, we set forth a day early. In the event, Ellen McArthur could have given us a head start and still nipped around the globe in the time it took. But make it we did and the wildly enthusiastic audience of 500 plus who attended our gig in Lievin made it more than worth the trouble. Arc en Ciel is a really nice venue and the staff, organisers and sound crews all did a fantastic job and looked after us all extremely well.
    Back on the home front, a TV crew have been filming Byron for yet another documentary on the mystery surrounding the death of Brian Jones. Apparently the case is being re-opened - well that should help the clear up rates for the East Sussex Constabulary. Of course while Byron is loving all this attention, nobody, gets a look in the bathroom because he's constantly in residence washing his hair, Keith has christened him "Timoptea Tim". There is more shooting scheduled for next week at some of the real locations, so if you live in the Cheltenham or Cotchford Farm area you may get lucky and catch "Brian Jones" on walk about.
    News for those of you who have e-mailed asking when we're playing in Essex next, we have an upcoming gig on April 23rd that has been listed as a private function on the website. The venue is the Great Hall at Bancrofts College, and we have been told there will be tickets for sale to the public. Check our website www.rollinstoned.com for details.
    Looking ahead, the year is beginning to shape up with some interesting events on the horizon, we're back at the 100 Club on June 30th with a special to mark another Brian Jones anniversary (sadly, the way the dates fell, we were unable to arrange a gig on July 3rd this time but we still wanted to make an effort to acknowledge this event, rock history would have been very different without his contribution). Further ahead in August the beer connoisseurs amongst you can have a ball at Olympia where we are appearing for Camra's August Beer Fest, make a date in your diaries for August 5th
        Well that's all for now folks, got to allez before Mick signs us up for another dodgy time share deal on a Chateau.

Everybody chantez avec nous... We love you
The Rollin'Stoned
Passez le bag pour le sick. le Ed

No 4
Posted on: April
Bill gets left behind in Scarborough shock

   Hi, well as you may have noticed, with an election looming, your Stoned Party candidates have been up and down the country in recent weeks visiting our constituencies in order to canvas your support. Mick in particular has been out on the stoop kissing as many babes as he get his lips on.
   Talking of parties, we never cease to be amazed at Bill’s capacity for not allowing an audience in party mood to distract him from his glum reverie and likewise the lengths to which some of you will go to try and provoke a reaction and crack his miserable visage. The band were mightily impressed the other day by the initiative shown by one young girl in the audience at Murrays Bar of Scarborough. Having been frustrated all evening in her attempts to induce a fissure of a reaction in the ‘Ol Stone Face’, she obviously felt a bit of bare faced cheek was required and proceeded to present her exceedingly shapely and well proportioned backside for his appreciation. It was thanks to our quick thinking and resourceful cameraman that the whole episode was preserved for ........ yeah! well I think you can all guess where I’m heading with that one.(See video grabs right)
   This is indeed setting new standards for this sport and probably well beyond the call of duty. But to what avail? was this wench the one to finally have found the measure of the man? could that be a hint of a smile flickering across the bleak and barren 'Rock Face'? “Nah!” according to Bill, “I was just a bit confused, I thought the Half Moon was last week”. National service and a stint the guards instill discipline in a man he claims, “they’d have to go a lot further than that to get a rise out of me” (Chance ‘d be a fine thing, ed).
                              Going for a thong
   Anyway Charlie claims the Bill's "I couldn't be arsed" attitide was just a front. He insists that Bill sought out the mystery beauty afterwards, albeit in vain. The girl had apparently left in a hurry on the stoke of midnight, a thong, inadvertently discarded in her haste to depart, being her only trace. Of course this is probably just a Waits wind up, but then again, the lad’s got ‘previous’. Could, even as I write, he be visiting discos the length and breadth of the land in a solemn quest to return the retrieved item to it’s rightful posterior and a vow that whosoever can the thong fit shall become the next Princess Wymandy. If so, our only hope for the unlucky victim is that this time, she has an ugly sister who’s bum doesn’t look too big in the garment that is proffered.
   Well enough of Mr Grim and his fairy story, back to reality. We’re still on the campaign trail for the next few weeks - the dates are listed in the accompanying e-mail. Post election you will have a short break from us as we’re in Belgium and then a bit of radio stuff is on the cards. However we shall be out an about again in June, so in the meantime never mind the workers, Vote! Vote! Vote! for your Rollin’Stoned.
To watch 'Bill & Bum The movie' click image above or links

No 5
Posted on: October 17th, 2005

Gercha Ya Yas Out...

Hi, another gig news and some exciting stuff in the pipeline about which we will keep you posted, so watch this space. As far as up-coming gigs go You may have noticed on the web-site that those loveable 'Rockney' legends Chas'n'Dave have invited us to attend, as special guests, their Christmas Beano show at the Shepherds Bush Empire, we were very pleased to accept this invitation, Sir Mick in particular is busily mugging up the rhyming slang of his youth ..... "I need a Jimmy" (Jimmy Choos - shoes).... "light us a Prada" (Prada Bag - fag).... "Fancy popping up the Apples & Pear" (Berkley Square)... Mick does have his limits mind, he says he always draws the line when asked to "Luva Duck", never mind having a "Gander"

No 6
Posted on: November 5th, 2005

Keith's Just a Regular Guy

I have to say I'm feeling a bit flush at the moment. I chanced upon Keith one morning last week, spark out after a particularly heavy night's indulgence. Being something of traditionalist and with him in no position to object, I decided to take this opportunity to observe an ancient English custom. So with the aid of an old wheel barrow blagged off Charlie's dad, the 'Human Stiff' has, even at a penny a go, proved a pretty decent little earner for me if he did but know it. It's true I've had to weather the odd criticism about the shabby state of my rather iffy effigy and to be honest, sartorially, he could be said to be one flute short of a the whistle compared to most of the local offerings around. Mind you, I could have still done with out that pushy Yank bint, who's recently shacked up with Mick, sticking her oar in. She would keep cornering me and tell me how she could do a style make over that would be "so really cool" and how a Guy's image is "Like so really really more important than personality".

In truth, this is a time of year when I do contemplate with a degree of trepidation the traditional annual celebratory events of the moment. As I write, Mssrs Popkins and Waylor have been busily at work organising the Band's Guy Fawkes bonfire night do and for which Nicky has promised a stunning grand finale. "Never mind A Bigger Bang man, this'll blow your sock's off"... "or somebody's" sniggers Mick W. Although they are remaining extremely tight-lipped, I was disturbed to find a well thumbed biography on Werner Von Brown lying around. I am hearing rumours that their plans involve rigging an unsuspecting Byron's wings' with rockets, in the hope that we may be treated to a spectacular fly past by the Band's Spiritual Founder as a climax to the night's events. I am none too optimistic about the outcome, after all, Von Braun was aiming for the stars.... not with one, also, as I recall, he did in anycase have a tendency to miss rather a lot and hit London instead. Well I guess it can't be much worse than last year when Mick and Keith ended up not speaking after Keith's disparaging remarks made about the size of Mick's Roman Candles and then Bill spent the whole night complaining that the Squibs he bought weren't damp enough.

However, rocket scientists or not, we will be back taking care of business at Rayners Lane and Hollywood Restaurant next weekend, hope you can make it. Following on, the band have been honoured with the task of entertaining the 400 A-list musical celebrity guests due to attend Stephen Wooleys Carnaby St premier party on the 16th, for "Stoned", his much publicised film about the life and tragic demise of Brian Jones.

No 7
Posted On: December 1st, 2005
Unto us a child was born

Well it's coming up to that time of year.... a time of year we all celebrate the birth of a boy child long ago in a humble abode in the east..... a child whose destiny was to rock the world..... Yep you've guessed it, December 18th is KeithMass Day, the date upon which the Prince (of Dartford) Keith Richards, was born. As is traditional, to mark this event, our own Lord of the Riffs, Keith Retched will be dusting off his version of 'Run Rudolph Run' and merrily wassailing to audiences around and about, at least until they've rewarded him with a mince pie, or maybe set the dogs on him.

As you will see, our travels in December take us on a brief trip to the west country and then it's back to the 'Smoke', first for 'Chas'n'Dave's Christmas Beano' at the Shepherds Bush Empire on the 15th and followed by our own traditional two night festive bash at the Half Moon, which is always special.

Then, after you've all had a day to find room in your respective novelty socks and knickers draws for this years additions, even maybe be back on speaking terms with the mother in law, you can catch us again at our post Christmas blues shows, first at The Boom Club in Sutton or, three days later, up north at The Limelight in Crewe.

No 8
Poste On: December 19th, 2005
End of The Year Shows

Well that's it I'm afraid, no more giggings days until Christmas, but there's still time left this year to catch the band at The Boom Club in Sutton on the 27th and at The Limelight in Crewe on the 30th, but first a Christmas message..

May we suggest one of your New Year Resolutions is to get out more, in which case we hope to see you at one or other of the new venues we are playing in January - not to mention the old and familiar ones. Speaking of which, we are really pleased to be back at the 100 Club on the 13th - this will allow, I imagine, the two weeks required to clean up after Chas 'n' Dave's Alternative New Years Eve's bash there (actually smash is rather more apposite - think of a cross between Bob's Country Bunker in the Blues Bros and Saving Private Ryan and you'll get a fair impression of their audiences in action (makes you lot look positively genteel). On the Saturday, we are back at Bottley Hill Farm after a somewhat prolonged interval, I believe there are still some tickets for this gig, but they are going fast.

Towards the end of the month, on Friday 27th, you will see that we appear at the Komedia Club in Brighton. A lot of you have been in touch in the past about this venue, asking why we didn't play it, so we are pleased to have landed the date for you. We're really looking forward to it and hoping that the south coasties among you can help us with a bumper turnout so that it becomes a regular haunt for the Band.

The following day sees us at another new venue, the enticingly named "Dugout Club" in Farnborough. Despite the name - and no Bill you won't be enjoying a reunion chin-wag with your old national service buddies - it is a venue run by the same promoter who does the extremely successful Boom Boom Club, which is good enough for me. We hope that one or other of these venues is within in your reach and that we can wish you all seasonal greetings in person.

In the meantime please do remember to explain to your children that a pet isn't just for Christmas day, they will have to make it last until the butchers are open again.

Have a Happy Christmas
With Best wishes from The Rollin'Stoned.