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Newsletter No4

April 2005
Bill gets left behind in Scarborough shock

   Hi, well as you may have noticed, with an election looming, your Stoned Party candidates have been up and down the country in recent weeks visiting our constituencies in order to canvas your support. Mick in particular has been out on the stoop kissing as many babes as he get his lips on.
   Talking of parties, we never cease to be amazed at Bill’s capacity for not allowing an audience in party mood to distract him from his glum reverie and likewise the lengths to which some of you will go to try and provoke a reaction and crack his miserable visage. The band were mightily impressed the other day by the initiative shown by one young girl in the audience at Murrays Bar of Scarborough. Having been frustrated all evening in her attempts to induce a fissure of a reaction in the ‘Ol Stone Face’, she obviously felt a bit of bare faced cheek was required and proceeded to present her exceedingly shapely and well proportioned backside for his appreciation. It was thanks to our quick thinking and resourceful cameraman that the whole episode was preserved for ........ yeah! well I think you can all guess where I’m heading with that one.(See video grabs right)
   This is indeed setting new standards for this sport and probably well beyond the call of duty. But to what avail? was this wench the one to finally have found the measure of the man? could that be a hint of a smile flickering across the bleak and barren 'Rock Face'? “Nah!” according to Bill, “I was just a bit confused, I thought the Half Moon was last week”. National service and a stint the guards instill discipline in a man he claims, “they’d have to go a lot further than that to get a rise out of me” (Chance ‘d be a fine thing, ed).
                              Going for a thong
   Anyway Charlie claims the Bill's "I couldn't be arsed" attitide was just a front. He insists that Bill sought out the mystery beauty afterwards, albeit in vain. The girl had apparently left in a hurry on the stoke of midnight, a thong, inadvertently discarded in her haste to depart, being her only trace. Of course this is probably just a Waits wind up, but then again, the lad’s got ‘previous’. Could, even as I write, he be visiting discos the length and breadth of the land in a solemn quest to return the retrieved item to it’s rightful posterior and a vow that whosoever can the thong fit shall become the next Princess Wymandy. If so, our only hope for the unlucky victim is that this time, she has an ugly sister who’s bum doesn’t look too big in the garment that is proffered.
   Well enough of Mr Grim and his fairy story, back to reality. We’re still on the campaign trail for the next few weeks - the dates are listed in the accompanying e-mail. Post election you will have a short break from us as we’re in Belgium and then a bit of radio stuff is on the cards. However we shall be out an about again in June, so in the meantime never mind the workers, Vote! Vote! Vote! for your Rollin’Stoned.
To watch 'Bill & Bum The movie' click image above or links